Appreciating One Another
by Fr.Gus Carter
6 /26 /05

Today's Gospel asks us to reflect on one of the most important relationships in our lives. We are reminded that sometimes we must hurt those we love in order to obey God's law. Parents might want us to join them in a fraudulent scheme. Even though we might not like to, we still must say "no." In the long run cheating causes more trouble than it is worth. We undergo momentary pain in saying "no," that we might have the long range benefits of an honest life. That is an example of carrying our cross. Some painful action leads to improvement in our lives. St. Paul speaks today of life coming from death, the Paschal Mystery. We die to sin that is enticing in order to live at peace with ourselves and with God.

At times telling the truth is embarrassing. Yet to maintain our integrity we suffer the humiliation of telling what really happened. This is an example of the "little deaths" we die in order to live honestly. Another example comes from many people who want to live a deeper, more contemplative life. Many have told me of their desire to meditate every day. Yet the demands on their time prevents this activity. There nearly always seems to be something more demanding of their time than prayer. There are those who sacrifice their own time so that they can pray each day. This leads to a deeper, more satisfying life. The death of giving up some of our own time gives them time for God. This leads to a life with a greater sense of meaning and depth.

Sometime ago I heard a tape on Jungian psychology's contribution to better marriages. For Carl Jung what he called projection plays an important role in our psychological lives. Most commonly we project our worst faults onto others instead of recognizing them in ourselves. We gain valuable self-knowledge by realizing that what we hate most in other people tells us about what we are reluctant to face in ourselves.

Instead of blaming others for our problems, we look to ourselves to discover what we can do to make our lives better. As long as we are blaming others, we will never face how we really could have better lives.

Jung also claimed that when individuals recognize the good in their spouses, they become able to claim that good in themselves. The good qualities are in themselves, but they are not able to claim them until they project them onto others. Knowing our good qualities helps us to use them more effectively. This is another example of life coming out of little deaths. We take our minds off of ourselves in order to see another person. In seeing the other, we become capable of seeing ourselves.

I believe that when I have counseled individuals, the most important thing I have done is to help them claim their own strengths and talents.

What is done in therapeutic sessions can be applied to personal relationships. By expressing our appreciation for another person, we enable them to know themselves better. We encourage the good that they are doing. In seemingly small ways we make the world a better place.

In a world filled with greed, pride, selfishness, Jesus entered to tell us a better way to live: "love one another." We sometimes use the phrase: "they are made for each other" about a particular man and a particular woman. Jesus has told us that all of us have been made for each other. The Vatican II document on "The Church in the Modern World" declared that through our relationships with each other "We develop ourselves and rise to our destiny." Our relationships have a sacred quality. God not only created us but designed us so that we grow as human beings by helping each other. By our mutual aid we are given the dignity of participating in the Lord's creative action. St. Teresa of Avila wrote, "Thank God for your gifts. It will not make you proud but will prepare you for greater gifts." We humans are the pinnacle of God's creation. We need to appreciate the marvelous beings that we are. An essential way of really appreciating ourselves is to appreciate others. Treasure the magnificent gifts our Creator has placed within us. To become a genuinely spiritual person we must above all appreciate our fellow humans. In appreciating others we come to genuine self-appreciation. After all, "God loves you."